Twitter: @cons_gentil
The cultural moment we are going through has made us have necessary reflections on the roles of men and women in society. These reflections have generated important advances in our way of thinking and have given rise to resolutions that have benefited the reality of humanity.
However, one of the essential aspects of social life, the so-called dating (specifically in the heterosexual aspect) has become considerably complicated within the framework of the rethinking of gender roles. And although simply being able to reframe gender roles is a positive achievement, we often still don’t know how to properly incorporate it into romantic relationships. And what’s worse, it continues to be a source of conflict, even in young couples (who have probably already normalized thinking outside the bubble of traditional roles).
This is because many men believe that greater power and decision-making capacity for women means a loss of power for them, to which they usually react negatively. The reality is that rethinking gender roles is intended to free both men and women from outdated notions that limit us as people and, worse, encourage negative patterns within relationships.
When we force ourselves to fit within narrowly defined heteronormative roles there is very little room left for a life that deviates from this patriarchal script. At the same time, it is important to remember that relationships that are highly unequal can easily tend toward abuse. It should be pretty easy to see how a power imbalance could quickly turn into an abuse of power. And how this can lead to violence: whether physical, emotional or economic.
It’s worth mentioning that who I think end up confused about what their role is now are, strangely, the most worthwhile men. This is perhaps because they are the ones who take on the task of reflecting and questioning themselves (since many do not even consider changing). And what is perhaps worth it in these cases is to remember that the best strategy in any case is to try to be humble to continue learning and constantly return to ask yourself what the intention is behind the actions (since many times they can continue seeking control without necessarily realize).
The roles of protector and provider are indeed important and necessary. However, if the purpose of a man’s role in the relationship is only to obey the logic of “provider and dominant,” it is not a liberating role but remains one of submission. And not necessarily the same role of submission that women play in this context, but a submission to the inflexible role of men within patriarchy. In the end, not even men are saved from being slaves to this system.
Preparing for a new type of relationship (one that adapts to our own needs and abilities and not following the script that has been written for us for years) involves important self-reflection and a willingness to get to know ourselves again and learn from a place free of ego. . Love and emotional growth cannot occur in an environment of coercion or helplessness, and that is what we should aim for in our future relationships.